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Into the Past

by Driveways

/
1.
I'm always wandering into the past I could get lost in the fiction you craft A persecuting village left a scarlet mark upon me I still feel the Salem weather haunt me A farewell to the arms that left a generation broken I still hate the sound of rain approaching There's pride in perseverance even if it’s in a dark place Santiago dreamt away the heartbreak Carraway could see why I always chased your green light but I know you know that Something wicked’s closing in I feel it in my bones A carousel with diabolic goals Bromden saw the truth but he would rather shut his eyes Than lobotomize the laughter that’s inside I could never capture all the sand inside the sieve Till Faber gave me something to believe Every night I feel that remorse again “Can’t repeat the past? Why of course you can!"
2.
Salem 03:43
I never thought I’d see betrayal personal and up close I never thought I’d bear the brunt of scrutiny in my home I never thought I’d need a place to hide away from your ghost I never thought I’d care enough to lose a piece of my soul But a meteor in the sky revealed the truth to me We share the pedestal of shame But I bear the mark upon me Constant hysteria in my lucid dreams Into the past beneath the gaze Of infernal eyes I know my pride can't hide these red lines I know I can't hate the symbol they create Your ghost lives by my bedside I know I can't take the cold of Salem nights The cold of Salem nights I never thought a pearl would grow from rivers that run with blood I never thought I'd be defined by sins that I can't outrun I never thought the world know the horrible things I've done I never thought I'd see the sign of treachery worn by one It's smoldering inside My sense of pride Their burning eyes upon me left it A scarlet sign I'm resigned To spend my life Beneath the weight of pure resentment No place to hide I'd rather die
3.
Ambulances 03:38
I remember ambulances pulling up when I was feeling tired and I couldn’t put a fire out again I remember glove compartments full of stuff that you would never hide and I would try to justify it in my head I remember nights I felt like throwing up from looking at a photograph I swore that I would never put aside I remember hearing I don’t know enough so I gave up on showing up to fake a conversation as I’m watching you die Those pictures were faded When you came back into frame Like a saving grace back in 1918 A refuge from the rain Cause your eyes shine bright through the downpour Like Montreux in the fall Like a clear blue sky on the heels of a storm That I thought was the end of us all When you call out my name The melody in your voice replaces memories that I hate The pessimist that’s inside can’t find a terrible point to make It’s incredible how you shaped the sky You turned the tempest into a sunrise I remember bearing with anxiety and caring if you lied to me and holding on to hope I hid inside I remember swearing by sobriety to guarantee a side of me inherited would never see the light I remember that commitment falling through and thinking I would follow you and driving when I couldn’t see a sign I remember years I spent in solitude were haunted by the thought of you and conversations we could never have cause you died Those pictures were faded When you came back into frame Like a saving grace on the Tagliamento A refuge from the pain Cause the rain won’t make any difference You laughter is a radiant light Into the past to a dangerous time The ending is something that we get write You turned a tempest into a sunrise You turned a hurricane to a clear blue skyline You made me unafraid of my own mind The world breaks everyone but with you I know I’m fine I’ll never let you go again
4.
I've been trying to tell you I wasn't running away I been dying to see you back on the shoreline I've been feeling the currents under me everyday I live in fear of the predators after your pride Daydreams of lions on the beach and better days Their teeth are biting but I'm keeping them away You lost the fight but you're deserving of a praiseful eulogy I’ve been chasing a shadow against the current On troubled water I’m trying to stay above it An adversary that I’ve been trying to overcome my whole life My whole life And I’m on my own Hundreds of miles from the coast I know Eighty four days in the heat Can I show grace in defeat When everything’s taken from me? My hands are bleeding my head is heavy my pride is dying And I have nothing to show for it but a skeleton I feel defeated, upset, and empty but I’ve been trying To see the struggle as an escape from the hell I’m in I’d rather death than this defeat I think I left a part of me at sea Into the past below the waves I hate I had to go and make your grave I’d rather death than this defeat I left a part of me at sea
5.
I hope the trip was worth the wait We saw the northern lights today It’s been a long time coming And I thought I would’ve known what to say A fleeting moment in the sky Pales in comparison to your eyes They shine the brightest blue I've ever seen And guide me to a better peace of mind I can’t believe that you came back I saw your distant light across the ocean again I thought it was a sign that I was close to the end Fading fireworks lit your name across the night sky Out on the open ocean I'll never let you go again I followed your footsteps through the dark The colors shape an amazing display But Aurora's not as bright as your smile beneath the light of distant stars The faintest traces of jade left a painting Memorized that I kept Forget the nights that I spent Thinking that I could never believe in something Cynical till I'm dead I’m over critical in my head One look inside of your eyes and It’s like twenty two on Long Island I can see your light and it's shining again I can’t go back this time Like boats against the current, borne back into the past I still chase that green light I swear the color’s different but I’ll never let you go again
6.
Pandemonium 04:45
I feel a cold apprehension a moment of tension, I can’t help but notice the signs Looks like a storm is approaching a torrent that’s hoping to drown out the sound of our cries I hear the rain as it starts to fall sounds of carnival swell in the eye of the storm I feel the strangest sensation the stark realization I don’t have to try anymore I put a lightning rod on top of the house But I think I climbed in vain Cause the hopes I had were swallowed by doubt When I felt that cold black rain I feel pandemonium coming The sound makes me sick to my stomach Discordant harmonies ripped out a part of me Can’t feel my legs as I’m running Towards a distant carousel turning I sprint as the funnel clouds worsen I ride to my own deathwish, I hide from my acceptance I hate that these drugs aren’t working again Black out my eyes I’ve been haunted by paranoid lies I saw a sign on the skyline My time’s come to an end Drown out my fears I’ve been running for thirty one years I kept these terrors in my life My time’s come to an end I feel a sense of devotion to shadows encroaching as sanity slowly dissolves I hate the words that I’ve spoken the bonds that I’ve broken by hiding away every fall I see the dreadful adornment discolored by torment on flyers all over the town I know it’s words are deceitful to tired eyes needful of rest or an easy way out I put a lightning rod on top of the house But I think I climbed in vain Cause the hopes I had were swallowed by doubt When I felt that cold black rain My head’s ridden with sin I hear that music again As a broke down carousel spins Into the past to the end of my life I ask why Am I destined to die? In the same disbelief that’s been haunting my sleep every night
7.
Fog Machines 03:33
I hate to say it but I think about you all the time I live inside the darkest corners of our conversation My head is vacant when I try to picture you and l I know I'm on my own I'll never make it out I hate that I can't see When they turn on those machines I remember way back when I was on your side You were an idol in my eyes I would never say that then cause I couldn’t decide If it was only a disguise I’ll never let them take my head The fog is thick inside It’s been haunting me tonight I still remember days I spent In fear of a device That could take away your mind The Combine knows That’s why I've been keeping one eye open Every day they see your spotlight grow I hate to think that I’ll be on my own when They take you down I’ve been sleeping with my headphones on I swore I heard your laughter but it’s been so long Since I could find my peace with every word that’s gone I learned to love these shockwaves that distort what’s right from wrong They know That’s why I've been keeping one eye open They don’t need evidence when hearsay grows I hate to think that I’ll be on my own when They take you down I’m fading ignorantly into the past My head’s returning with afflictions attached I made a covenant that I still regret I got my freedom but they got your head The combine knows That’s why I’ve been keeping one eye open Everyday they see your spotlight grow I hate to think that I’ll be on my own when They take you down
8.
Drown my stomach in gasoline Fill my lungs with carbon monoxide I don’t what you’re asking me Said I can’t stay but I can’t go Legs over this balcony Break my fall with pavement and street signs Flamethrowers in back of me Don’t let it burn down I can’t fight With my hands tied back I can’t try And take my life back When my eyes Are both rolled backwards I can’t try And read my last words Take my eyes I won’t believe anything again I swear I burnt those pages bright The sieve and sand live inside my head I kept those paragraphs to myself Insinuate that I'm wrong For leaving sacrifices on shelves Till they're incinerated and gone Feels like I stumbled into the past And Faber's words were a guide to me A fading world is inside of me I hate the person I tried to be I'm blind I'll never read again I trusted everything they told me to Burn bright Light a pyre for the end I’ll torch it all before they know the truth Take my eyes I won’t believe anything again I swear I burnt those pages bright The sieve and sand live inside my head Read my last words

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released October 28, 2022

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